We at Beer Cow Industries, founded by the brothers Mel and Falter Trace in Hempstead, Texas, in 1967, are the makers of The Beer Cow (marketed as The Ale Udder in the United Kingdom, The DraftDugger in Canada, Mother of Intoxication in India, Fat Party Now Joy in Japan, and Constant Companion in the former Soviet Union)--the amazing, suspendable beer container/dispenser with patented PullTap Flexi-Flow technology to ensure quick and foamless satisfaction.

In addition, through our Beer Cow Agrilabs subsidiary, we are breeders and marketers of The Real Beer Cow—a genetically modified, and nutritionally supplemented "draft cow." Given proper care and advanced nutritional supplements, The Real Beer Cow will provide, as our jingle goes, "pail after pail and year after year of farm-fresh beer." (As odd as all this must seem, we assure you that we aren't kidding and have the venture capital to prove it.)